Memoirs of the Countess of Death

Forgotton

2012-01-10T23:06:00.001-06:00

I am here but you do see me I talk to you but you don’t hear meI miss you do you miss me?Surround yourself with others but what of me?Reassurances made but not kept.In the darkness of night you feel me but do you see me?My once bright light dimmed by neglectMy face is but a memory my voice still unheard.I stand before you arm spreads open Walk over my grave not yet grown cold.Will you remember me?The good times, The bad times, or just the hard times?Once I felt so alive by the love you gave meNo longer excited no longer loved no longer wanted?Do you hear me?Do you see me?Can you feel the caress of my hand?Do you love me… My eternal question to you…

Daughter of Lilith

2012-01-08T04:13:00.000-06:00

I spill my blood forth for my mother Lilith! She who dances in the Black Flame within my heart my arms raised and horns of respect. She the divine feminine who has gave me the life’s blood within me.
I stand before you Mother Lilith in adoration of your wisdom, beauty and strength! Always your daughter always your creation always your priestess!
Your essence excites me like fire in my veins! Divine mother I call upon you by your many names!
LABARTU! LAMASHTU! LILDTHA! LILI! LILIT! LILITU! LILLU! LILU! LILLAKE!
ABEKO! ABITO! AMIZO! BATNA! ELIO! ITA! IZORPO! KALI! KEA! LILITH! ODAM
PARTASAH! PATROTA! PODO! SATRINA! TALTO!
Thy celestial beauty bathed in the moonlight, my infernal mother crowned with the moon and the stars! Eyes of the serpent gazes upon me speaking to the darkest parts of my soul!
The Great wings of Lilith cradle me close to her death embrace. Look to the heavens for thy messengers of thy night skies feathers of ivory fall down upon my face!
Great beasts circle me and lead me to the crossroads of my life!
Freedom of my will my father Satanas has given me!
Thy divine flesh so intoxicating presence so inviting within me externally! Internally! Eternally!
I dance between the veils of light and dark between life and death between the here and now!
Led through darkness I feel the Black Flame of wisdom show me the light I carry inside! Never to be lost never to be misled persevere I shall for I am a daughter of Lilith!

What once was

2011-09-06T17:07:00.000-05:00

The ugliness you have befouled my soul with sickens me. I loathe that person that I have become. I now live within the shadows with my anger and sadness. Dreaming of the eternal slumber I will never find. You have taken the beauty from my soul you emptied my heart. Cruel is thy heart of my soulless lover. Your once inner beauty gone, Time seemed to have stopped when I gave you my heart. You left me in the darkness to become the twisted soul before you. I was nothing more than a toy for your amusement. You look on as I become this monster you see before you once my soul was filled with love and beauty and shined through my eyes but no longer as that light has been extinguished my eyes empty and cold. The life I had gone my love gone my heart gone. Hold me no longer touch me no longer I am nothing without the flame that once burned for you. I am but a shell of the person I once was I’ve no passion no love no heart! I curse the day I found you!

The Black Stag

2011-08-15T13:27:00.000-05:00

A great beast stands before me a Stag of Black staring at my very soul. I feel great strength within me I hear the pounding of his heart as he carries me through the forest of darkness. Soon a clearing is upon me with a pool of moonlight where I find my mother’s reflection I bathe in her light.But my journey is not over. I embrace the Stag once again laying my head upon him feeling safe in his presence. Never does he leave my side nor I his. Taking me on ward and forward driven to go on the path we call life never surrendering. I raise my horns above me becoming empowered letting all that has held me back fall away I transcend into the High Priestess you see now before you. Never looking back just onward! Soon I come upon legions of my brothers and sisters dancing in the moonlight around a great pyre of fire ring after ring with horns raised high! I look to the Stag again only to hear within my mind’s eye. You are my child and will never be alone.

Trusting thy missing heart will to return to me

2010-12-16T17:07:00.001-06:00

Dying from the inside out, a stillness set in stone trapped within my own mind. This endless void where my heart should be, replaced by the heaviness of pain and disappointment. The feeling of disappointment hurts nearly as bad as betrayal. Told to look forward but always looking back. Eyes wide open wishing they were shut. Never dreams all that remains are worries and despair. Dreams are for the young and the rest is left to me is empty and cold. Short lived happiness is all I’ve ever known. It seems I should wish for depression since there is no shortage of that. Perhaps it is too much to hope for fulfillment in ones existence these days. Oh void less despair will I ever be free from your grasp? Will this heaviness in my heart ever leave will my tears be of happiness? Will the truth ever reveal it’s self to me? Trusting thy missing heart will to return to me.

Violation

2010-09-16T14:11:00.001-05:00

Violation in the dark,

While I dream of you.

Breathless am I...

Oblivious to the crime at hand

Adrift in my dreams...

Strangers HANDS in the darkness.

My dreams suddenly change to nightmares!!!

Awaken only to see the face of your Predator!

Not the face of my beloved...

Flooded by the emotion of Disdain,

and Horror!!!

USED!!! EXPLOITED!!! VIOLATED!!!

Never again!!! Never again!!!!

Mockery Everlasting...

2010-09-16T14:10:00.001-05:00

I drown in the memories,

of the ones who lived long ago...

Take Solace in the pain of,

thee unworthy!!

Fill thy chalice with my blood...

Mockery Everlasting!!!

Veins filled with Venom,

heart felt darkness...

Blood filled tears come forth

from thy eyes..

Mourn thy lost...

Stand vigilant over the pests!!!

Ancient Loss

2010-09-16T14:09:00.001-05:00

Alone suffering under the blood moon...

Waiting for my end to come...

Longing for the love I lost,

centuries ago...

Memories haunt me,

from ancient times...

I walk through the dark passages,

of the past...

Searching for all that I had thought was long gone...

I take solace in the knowledge,

that I will find what has been taken from me...

I will follow you in the beautiful darkness,

for all eternity!!!

Vengeful Spirit

2010-09-16T14:08:00.001-05:00

The flames within my dismal soul,

grows by each passing moment...

Your very presence sickens me!

FREAK! BASTARD! ABOMINATION!!!

Fantasies of your fated demise...

Blood everywhere!

Die! Foul creature!!!

Laughter echoes within my tormented mind...

As visions of your pathetic exsistance comes,

to an end!!!

Reality realized...

As I taste the blood of thy enemy!

Bemused as I watch your life,

fade away...

Vengeance is mine!!

I reign victorious over thee!!

Sword in thy hand, Carcass beneath me!

Watching your withering rotting flesh

dwelling for breath bellow me!

Ohhh my sweet taste for Vengeance!

Self indulgence Through Self Destruction

2010-09-16T14:07:00.001-05:00

Self indulgence Through Self Destruction

Our Demons reveal the skies of crimson...

Screams everywhere!!!

Vile are the children of Christ!

I bathe in the blood of our enemies...

Revulsion overtakes me...

Asphyxiation of the soul...

Mortal death comes..

As the flesh falls as well as your essence from your meaningless shell...

Lifeless and empty are the eyes of the damned...

Callous am I for I lust for the pain of,

wretchedness and self destruction!

Timeless Journey

2010-09-16T14:06:00.001-05:00

I waited for you at the end of eternity...

A journey never ending...

The longing I feel for you in,

the darkness...

A pain so overwhelming...

Tears fill my eyes,

with the memories of ancient times...

Cries fill my mind...

Torn from thy arms of my beloved...

Centuries forgotten love,

found once again...

Fated to reunite

2010-09-16T14:05:00.002-05:00

Souls ripped apart,

With our flesh parted once more...

Our paths divided...

The longing unbearable...

Hearts cry deep within the,

darkness of our own personal hell...

Seeking the beat of your heart.

Thine essence of your soul..

Piercing stares gazing,

though my very spirit...

Touched but,Untouched...

Lost within the twilight...

Fated again to reunite,

in darkness of thine night.

Deaths Forgotten Door

2010-09-16T14:05:00.000-05:00

Touched by the lips of a demon,

with eyes so cold...

My body burns for the touch,

your hands upon my breasts...

I wait for you in deaths,

eternal slumber..

In the stillness of the dark,

I feel your flesh within me...

Penetrating the depths,

of my being...

Desire coursing through,

my veins...

No longer at deaths forgotten door.

Passion everlasting...

Times Illusive Lover

2010-09-16T14:04:00.000-05:00

I walk alone in the darkness...

As the cold wind brushes against my cheek...

I yearn to hear the voice,

of mournings beloved son...

Walk past times forgotten child...

Forever lost in times past...

Take away these webs upon,

my eyes...

So that I may gaze upon,

your eyes once more.

Immortal is my love,

for thee...

Only to feel sorrow and loss through,

the ages of time.

Faint Whispers of passion

2010-09-16T14:03:00.001-05:00

I wander across the depths of Hell...

In Search of the soul I lost,

so very long ago...

Lucid are these visions in,

my minds eye...

Only to discover my,

fated lover.

I scream one last time,

as my breath escapes me one last time...

Tears Fallen...

Your face fades,

within the smoldering darkness...

Whispers of passion I,

lost and will always remember.

I love you....

DESTINED FOR PAIN

2010-09-16T14:02:00.001-05:00

INFERNAL DEAD,DEATH IN THE AIR!

CORPSES OF MANY...

DAMNED EVERYWHERE!

MY BLADE IN HAND!

TERROR IN YOUR EYES,

WATCHFUL AM I.

YOUR BLOOD EVERYWHERE!

BLOOD STAINED LIPS..

MY LUSTFUL HATE GROWS...

DESTINED FOR PAIN, ETERNAL SORROW...

Sands of Ages

2010-09-16T14:01:00.001-05:00

Lost are the sands of the ages...
falling through my hands..
My tears runs forth,
as each grain in time blows adrift.
I try in vain to catch all these moments,
in time...
I long to mourn for the loss,
of these tragic memories...
Never to gain the bliss,
I once had with you.
Lost for all time with out my beloved...

Ancestral Home

2010-09-16T14:00:00.001-05:00

The putrid smell of humanity sickens me!
I brood on when I might return to my ancestral home...
Visions of all the fallen angels in the deepest pits of hell!

Bemused by the tormentor...
As you stand a top the highest spire,
blood fills the skies...

Somber am I
While many are enticed by,
your malevolent eyes!
Callous am I,
as I watch you feed upon,
the Carnal lust of the weak...
My mind fills as I hear the
legions cries!
Rage fills me with revulsion!
when my infernal visions of,
home came to an end...

Ascension of the Tormentor!

2010-09-16T13:59:00.000-05:00

The touch of cold hands in my hair...

And I knew you,

were there...

My long lost love I lost centuries ago...

The flames within my heart smoldering in

the darkness...

Eyes like dark obsidian...

Seducer of many! Tormentor to all!!!

Standing vigilant amongst your legions..

Ready for the battle beyond the Black Gates!

The skies cloaked in eternal darkness...

Screams of agony rings through the air...

Standing silent by your side...

Emerging victorious!! in the dismal kingdom

of hell

Carnal Lust

2010-09-16T13:57:00.001-05:00

I wait in my master's chamber's..

So that I may feed upon his flesh...

I hunger for the taste of his mouth upon mine...

His flesh upon my flesh...

I scream in ecstasy as he,

takes me within his arms...

A pain so pleasurable...

Bedeviled by his touch.

Desire still burns within me,

craving eternal pleasure!!!

Beguiling Madness

2010-09-16T13:56:00.001-05:00

I wait for you in the shadows of the night...

Walking along the dark pools of blight..

I stand beneath the starless night,

with thy blood upon my hands!

Tears come forth from my eyes...

Your hands upon my face.

Consuming all my pain.

Vile laughter fills me...

As the madness emerges in my mind...

Your dark embrace stifles,

the insanity in my already tormented soul..

You are my savior!, you are my sovereign, my love...

Damnation

2010-09-16T13:55:00.002-05:00

I loathe those who try to imprison,

my spirit!

They say I am an abomination!

That I am a blight...

I laugh at them with my nefarious smile..

Whom and what are you?

You cannot judge me!!!

I can see what you truly can,

become...

I see your failure...

your anguish..

Thy pain brings me pleasure!

I embrace the darkness in my soul.

Visions of the lost ones,

cast in the lake of fire!

Lost for eternity...

Torment in the Dark

2010-09-16T13:55:00.000-05:00

I look within the darkness
found the tormented...
I feel the cold hands of hellish fiends...
from the depths of HELL!
Tearing at my flesh!
I writhe in pain!

As you stand there and watch...
pain becomes pleasure as I,
stare within your empty eyes...

Chains of fate fall away,
as my strength emerges!

Take my hand your strength,
so enticing...

Rise forth in the dismal night...
Malevolent souls loom in the distance.

Vigilant we stand,
over thy enemies...
Devour the weak!

Kingdom of eternal night

2010-09-16T13:54:00.000-05:00

Stalking the storms of fire...

As the vile ones tear at my eyes!

Falling under the tormented vice,

demon eyes gaze upon me with ,

revulsion!

As the dark sun sets upon,

darkness child..

Dwelling in the kingdom of eternal night.

End this infernal sight!!!

Madness in the Dark

2010-09-16T13:53:00.000-05:00

A century in the Darkness...

Plagued with visions of,

Madness and Pain!!!

Imprisoned by chains of,

solitude...

Sanity Lost....

Blinded by sorrow...

Infernal voices invade my mind...

The cries grow louder and louder!!!!

as I lay dying asphyxiated,

by the blood of my ancestors...

I will again rise forth!!

Vengeance will be mine !!!

No longer the victim...

For I've become the light

within the darkness...

ORACLE

2010-09-16T13:51:00.001-05:00

ORACLE BY BIRTH,

BOTH CURSED AND BLESSED

PAINFUL ARE THE MEMORIES FROM,

THE PAST...

EMPTY ARE THE EYES,

FROM WHICH MY POWER FLOWS...

MY TRUE NATURE APPARENT,

REFLECTIONS OF BOTH BEAUTY AND TERROR...

VOICES INVADE MY MIND,

IMAGES OF SUFFERING...

NEVER WILL I KNOW TRUE SILENCE,

NEVER ALONE...

PLAGUED BY YOUR PAIN,

AND WAVES OF TRUE PLEASURE...

Vessel Of Torment

2010-09-16T13:50:00.001-05:00

I am the vessel of torment...

I feed off your pain...

I have visions of emptiness,

you have inside. I feel what you cannot.

It tears me apart...

I care not of my own exsistance...

My empathy is for you.

I give what you cannot.

Devoid of sorrow,pain, and love...

Black Cathedral

2010-09-16T13:49:00.002-05:00

In the Black cathedral of hell,

where the demons plague the skies...

The Infernal majesty reign over those,

who died..

Mournful are the lost ones,

never to be found...

The screams of terror,

like a bitter sweet symphony...

Lustful thoughts as I fall,

into an eternal slumber..

Farewell sweet beast...

Fated Mates

2010-09-16T13:49:00.000-05:00

So reigns the beast and his lady,

Upon their thrones of Obsidian...

A darkness so vast, I hear the cries in the night...

Pleasure and pain are one and the same..

I breathe in the misery of the weak...

He feeds on the carnal lusts of others.

Mockery a midst the madness,

solace in their own sadness.

Blood Moon Rises

2010-09-16T13:48:00.001-05:00

In the vast valley of Darkness,

The blood moon rises...

My chalice runneth over...

Awaiting our Sovereign father...

Our legions cry out Infernal Master!!!

The land trembles as the great beast rises forth!

My soul!,My flesh! this is my sacrifice!

In the crimson skies angels begin to cry!

O' mournful night!

With blood in thine eyes!

I see my master rise!

So ends my infernal night...

Devoted Follower

2010-09-16T13:47:00.001-05:00

I kneel before the throne of my sovereign,

my devotion is unyielding...

I lay at his feet as he commandeth his legions...

I revel in the power he has.

His power is everlasting, he who is most beautiful...

He grants me power over thine enemies,

grants me my every desire..

my allegiance eternal! and my love everlasting...

Read more: http://www.myspace.com/redfairy72/blog?page=7#ixzz0zigj2NQu

Tortured Soul

2010-09-16T13:46:00.003-05:00

Shards of glass shattered,

all around me!

With my demon eyes staring back at me!

I see the darkness behind my eyes!

Ready to come forth!

From the depths of hell,

I hear the screams of a thousand demons!

beneath me , waiting for chaos to be unleashed!

Curse thee and smite those,

who causes me pain! and anguish!

Evocation of the beast

2010-09-16T13:46:00.001-05:00

His kingdom reigns!

Over the weak without solace...

Raging strength bursts forth

from the darkness within...

I evoke thee,

He who is most beautiful!

Grant me power over my enemies!

Rise and come forth!

I feel the earth tremble as my master comes forth!

Lost love

2010-09-16T13:45:00.001-05:00

Stealing kisses in winter,

When I only lost you just last November...

Now there is only fire embers...

Where you used to be...

Dust in my hands,

tears in wind,

just a distant memory...

Haunting my void less soul.

Chills run through the air,

as the rain wets my face.

Always here!

Gone Tomorrow!

Always lost!

Never Found...

Eternal Flames

2010-09-16T13:44:00.001-05:00

Engulfed in flames,

These dreams remain the same,

Accusing eyes set upon me...

I will rise again!

Persecute me no longer!

Filled with defiant laughter!

Defile me no longer!

Unholy Woman

2010-09-16T13:43:00.001-05:00

Unholy woman walking,

As the darkness veils the skies,

Blood tears running from her eyes!

Thorns in her black heart...

She walks past the place of unrest...

She gazes at you with the look of

utter disgust!

Curse you! Damn you!

I am the blasphemer!

I am the black pearl in the serpents eyes!

Gift Of Darkness

2010-09-16T13:42:00.001-05:00

I gave you my darkness...

You gave me a stare,

my heart bleeds for you,

and yours bleeds for me...

Eyes like obsidian,

smoldering in the darkness...

Soul entwined in a fine glass

of wine.

I taste the darkness from your,

mouth as it spills from your lips...

Desire burns...

Sorrow Follows.

Intoxicated by love

2010-09-16T13:41:00.001-05:00

Your mouth intoxicates me

chills run through me...

Your piercing stares possesses me,

enraptured by your presence...

My heart races for you...

My mouth hungers for the taste of your flesh!

I yearn for your warm embrace,

Intoxicated by your love....

My confusion grows

2010-09-16T13:40:00.003-05:00

Shadows all around me
I gaze at with unrest.
No rest for the wicked,
Numb like all the rest...
A crown of thorns upon the
beast.
No solace, no sorrow
swallowing my tears
I look upon my self
to wonder who am I ?
and is this a test? The burdens,
of life, grows ever powerful,
and yet leaves me full of wonder...

Consumption of a dark soul

2010-09-16T13:40:00.001-05:00

You writhe in agony! I scream for more!!!
I hear your cries for help!! As I laugh at you so defiantly!!
You wretch as the legions feast upon your flesh...
I watch you intensely as you lie there dying...
No flesh, or bone....
Your soul is what I crave,
as I lick my lips in anticipation of, Consuming your
dark soul!
"whispers" I want more....
So much more....

Infernal Beasts Reunited

2010-09-16T13:39:00.001-05:00

In between dusk and dawn,
Our souls have become entwined,
some where between love and hate,
I found you and then you were lost to me. in that same instant...
At that moment I knew,
that we would someday meet again
at the Infernal gates of hell.
Our union blessed by fire....
Our souls tormented no more!!
legions of demons cry forevermore!
Mistress and Master reunited eternally!

Black heart stolen

2010-09-16T13:38:00.001-05:00

In the cold of the night,
I no longer felt my heart beating,
I lie awake screaming!
Stolen in still of night....
with No solace!
Only darkness where my heart used to be.
Cruel are the fates,
in my infernal hell...

Ravenous

2010-09-16T13:37:00.001-05:00

You soothe my already ravenous appetite
for your soul...
With piercing eyes the cries in my head have grown calm...
Visions of our past life weighs upon my already dead heart.
Haunting me endlessly....
Discord that plagues our life..
I grow numb from all the pain,
the madness of life is without end.
I only find solace in your arms.

The blood is the life and thy life is eternal.

2010-07-09T04:04:00.000-05:00

Blood upon the lips of my lover takes me to places I’ve long forgotten…
Thy energy fills my mouth, my mind and my body.
Taken within the arms of my lover, He is the spider ready to eat its prey.
I am the prey who will not get away and nor do I desire too.
My love gave me the blood of life!
I give you a part of me that is sweeter than any rare wine.
Partake of my essence as this is my gift to you.
Your life’s blood fulfills me as my blood fulfills you.
The blood is the life and thy life is eternal.
I long for the sweet taste of your blood smeared lips upon me over and over again.
Bloods kiss upon me dripping from thy mouth coursing down my body.
Oh such sweet delights I see within your eyes. Drowning within pools I see within your eyes…
I am forever yours thy love eternal.

Who I was who I am...

2010-05-21T23:27:00.001-05:00

Finding the inner creature that is me. I feel as if I have been a sleep for eons with memories of my former life or rather lives I had lived. Trickling though like small drops of water containing bits of experiences I had so long ago. Going through an awaking to my life long past my very essence of who I truly am. I know there is much knowledge I must recall and my hopes are that I gain back all that I am before I go into my next stage of being. Feelings of love,hate,lust flooding back into me. My only complaint is the shell I have been given falling apart from the seams. Wanting to be the strong fierce priestess I was so very long ago. My most reoccurring memories are of the pyramids of Egypt as the sunsets behinds them. Such a beautiful site even today as they stand aged from sands of time. They've not lost a single bit the rays of gold and skies of red and orange making these great pyramids appear obsidian in color. It is no wonder this memory replays in mind over and over. I desire to go back to dessert I once called home so I can re-live again what I had seen so long ago. Now they're some that wonder why the name "Mortisma" well quite simply is my true name and what it means to me is this I am the Countess of Death Mortis is in relation to death and ma as a female plural. So there you go. Death to me is this not an end but a beginning. A passage through the next veil. So do not fear death for

My favorite song by Watain Titled Serpent's Chalice

2010-05-10T20:37:00.000-05:00

Now when I hear this song it truly fills my heart with Satanic pride and if you are also a Satanist I'm sure you could understand how this makes me feel.

Wings of Satan, orb my heart!
It burns with love for you.
And it is ready now, to receive thee.
Claws of darkness, tear my soul!
For I have chosen the night
And branded its seal into my flesh.
Lead me to the catacombs
Where light of neither sun nor moon
Disturbs the dark in vaults,
Possessed by molten evil manifest.
There I shall kiss the goat and piss on god.
Sundering the molecules that bind
This world together with me.

An abortion of the cosmic bride,
Shunned like death and cast aside.
Cross starless skies now let us ride...

A spear of fire staked the skies.
The graves sprung open.
The chains that sealed the hungry deeps
Had now been broken.

Open now, abode of Satan's powers!
Where the shells of evil burn
The very eyes of god,
And the womb of the world.
It is from this wellspring of blazing death
That light is flowing, forceful...
Into the gleaming vessel of my Self.
And thus I am filled
With the waters of Styx.
Kingus blood.
The Bane of god.

Yes I become the serpents chalice
And the power it bestows.
A wisdom that exceeds Death.
Virtues that all laws oppose.
Firmly upheld amidst the horns aflame.
Man and God, in fire one and same.

Black flames from the deeps aspire,
As in the chambers of my hearts desire,
I limn thy brilliant potency in fire.

My Beltane Experience 2010

2010-05-06T02:25:00.000-05:00

My first day back home as I would like see it as was great. To arrive to my find my father building the sacred fire and then soon after went to check into my hotel. As soon I dropped my belongings off. I returned to find more of my brothers and sister in Satan. Some were new faces and of course the faces I have come to love as family.
Well I had grabbed some food from within and talked with my sisters and later saw that more of my family had arrived and others pitching their tent up for the weeks celebration for Beltane. I wish I could camp out I love the outdoors and the moon was so beautiful to gaze upon. But it truly is a joy to my soul to be able to sit with my family around a fire with those hearts so filled with dedication for Satan.
I look forward to seeing what tomorrow will bring.
Today is another day and I woke earlier than expected and I am very ecstatic to see what the day will bring. I wish that some of my other sisters and brothers could have come but life goes on and if you don’t have the time off well what can you do but wait till you can come. Well on the days that followed learned a great many things such as our history, and the strong women that saved the land that belong to them and their people. Gems and their many uses and of course the importance of satanic unity and the use of vocalization of one’s voice to raise power.
I do so love being with my family and the power that they bring in this great brotherhood. I do wish that more of our family could have made it to this celebration of Beltane, family and Satanic Unity! I often think to myself how it would be in one large family commune that shares the belief in Satan and in his demons. But I will say this I know more and more of my brethren will come forth from the shadows in the many days to come.
As this age of falsehood is at its end we as witches will no longer hide our selves due to persecution of those who are weak minded. I had often wondered why it was I am here why is it that I must endure all that I had. I now know it’s to see all those of the left hand path come forward with great strength with no fear in our hearts. When I see my father speak I can see the passion that he holds in his heart for Satan and those of the left hand path community.

Thy name is chosen for I am Verdilak..

2010-04-20T20:34:00.000-05:00

Wurdulac: Possibly also known as Wurdalak. Wurdulacs are some of the most pathetic creatures in European folklore. Wurdulac (also known as Werdilak, Verdilak, and Vourdalak.) is another Slavic view of the vampire. Although Dracula came from what is now Romania, and said to be able to transform into wolf, bat, mist, or rat, with summoning capabilities for each in kind, Bram stoker was a writer who contributed or created these notions. In Eastern Europe, the concept of a blood-drinking bat never really reached the general populace, leaving the wolf the only shape shifting form for the Wurdulac. This has erroneously led some people to conclude that Wurdulac were werewolves transformed into vampires.
Instead, the Wurdulac suffers from a much darker, saddening fate. A person, who becomes a Wurdulac, can only feed off and kill the ones it loves, causing entire families to be transformed into Wurdulacs over a very short time. The Wurdulac is best known from a story by V.I. Tolstoy, brother of Leo Tolstoy, which was adapted into part of Mario Bava's omnibus film, I Tre volti della paura (The Three Faces of Fear aka Black Sabbath). Boris Karloff played an old man named Gorca, who went off to kill a Wurdulac, but became one himself, transforming his entire family in a single night. His daughter then transformed the boarder with whom she mutually fell in love. While many tales tell us as long as the bite is not fatal, the person does not become a vampire, Wurdulacs are forced to feed on the same people, those they love, and must befriend all of their victims. This can cause severe neurosis is the Wurdulac, which may drive the person to starve to death rather than make new friends, destroying oneself and ending the chain.

Disappointment

2010-04-05T01:14:00.000-05:00

This are some of the thoughts and feelings of one very disappointed Priestess. I have given so much of my time to those who I thought wanted a place to share their views and knowledge. But apparently I have a few that do care on a site of nearly 900 hundred members.

I feel like I shouldn't care either hell I only wasted two and half years of my life for those who don't give a shit. Now I know there are some dedicated Pagans and Satanists on the site.

But apparently because of my association to a certain organization I and my family are being seen as a cult and that couldn't furthest from the truth.

This isn't the first time I had felt like I should shut my site down. But I know there is a dedicated few who would be saddened by me throwing in the towel so to speak.

My duty to Satan comes first and foremost and my love for my children and husband should be my only focus. But I have always felt like I care a bit to much and end up in putting myself second.

I have lost so much in my life and been through more than a woman of my age should ever have to go through. But I remain ever vigilant.

I will never walk away from Satan that I will remain forever true.

Ave Satanas! Ave Lilith!

2010-04-04T00:14:00.000-05:00

Portable Altar/Travel Altar
For many of you who travel or cannot practice your beliefs freely openly may appreciate having something such as this useful.
1. One appropriate sized wooden box finished or unfinished. I personally would prefer an unfinished on so that you can make some more personal touches to it. The being less to the practitioner.
2. One small to medium sized chalice or goblet.
3. An athame
4. One small cloth black in color with or without design on it no bigger than the standard sized bandanna.
5. One small statuette of your deity.
6. One small incense holder
7. Incense sticks or cones “Dragons Blood” preferably.
8. Candles small in size along with tiny glass holders if possible.
Now I will try to include as many links to give you some idea of things that will work well for your portable altar/travel altar. As for my reason for doing this well I have encountered many who cannot have a personal full sized altar as they may not live with those who open minded enough to allow you a place of worship on display at home or for those that may simply on the road quite a bit.
http://www.woodcrafter.com/email-a-friend.aspx?product=16792

http://www.bonanzle.com/booths/Cyberontix/items/_017_antique_silverplate_goblet_small_chalice_toasting

http://www.witchstore.net/store/RA152B.html

http://www.imosh.com/BANDANAS/pages/BND10.htm

http://www.luciferianwitchcraft.com/store/baphometsmall.jpg

http://www.insight-books.com/INC2/Incense-Holder-Sheshamwood-Mini/9991381716.html?PHPSESSID=e4e939cb0c924509746fee144054f9fd

http://www.insight-books.com/INC2/050525485080/9991439382.html

http://www.incenseguru.com/

http://metapot.com/Chime-Candles-4x-1-2dia-Black-p-4303.html

Inside Thy Priestess Heart,,,

2010-03-16T15:03:00.000-05:00

I find beauty deep within the veil of darkness

That is to be my homecoming to my next life

I feel this great light with in my soul.

The black flame burns brightly within me.

Gaze deep in the eyes of obsidian.

Shimmering hair of embers

Flesh of finely carved marble.

Horns of strength raised up high!

Gather around our father Satan…

Master of the earth!

He who has given us free will!

Eternally I will be priestess for Satanas!

Grant me the knowledge of the Dark Arts!

Thy ignorance will be vanquished

2009-10-31T14:47:00.001-05:00

Thy ignorance will be vanquished

I feel the depth of my beliefs being attacked... But you are nothing nor will you ever be anything. Your flesh will burn at the touch of my anger for such insolent creatures such as your self must exist. I will be there to laugh at you dance within the fire that consumes your flesh. Even I need to torment the pathetic and you know who and what you are. As I am a daughter of Lilith I will become stronger and stronger my rage builds as you grow weaker. I feel the comfort of thy wings father Satan! I take solace in knowing I am never alone. Thine demons are with me and grant me wisdom from depths of the abyss in which is my soul. I am the fed on the life of the weak! I vanquish the feeble minded. My family grows by the day and take pleasure in the depth of my dark embrace of the abyss that Leviathan calls home. I cherish every day in knowing I am a child of Satan! And it will be a glorious day with the ignorance of the feeble will be vanquished!

Having to choose between friends?

2009-10-24T20:21:00.000-05:00

I have been friends with a certain couple I will leave unnamed. And well one of these friends was a friend to me first before the other came along. And they had a rocky relationship. And my male friend to whom I was friends with first took offense because I had let his girlfriend come back to my site after they had left previously. Being both of them and she approached me on messenger to ask if it would be ok for her to return and I approved and told her she left on her own so she could come back. But with my male friend his resentment ran deeper. He wanted me to acknowledge him as my first friend and for his help on my website. And I had never disputed that and in turn he made the insinuation that I was like a sheep being a follower. And I in my final word to him that no one control me and I do have a mind of my own. In response to his word told him that I have the final word who gets booted off my site. And my members also have that equal chance to have their voice heard. But I had also reminded him of his own agreement with me that we both thought it best he not return to the site due to past drama. As for the spat with his girlfriend well I took no sides and told them both this.And I especially reminded him of when he wished to remain neutral in a friendship I had ended with some one. And I did accept that but he felt like I owed him in some way and I thought all of this was ended and that we were in good terms but I guess not and to think I was there when he needed someone to talk to and not judge. I even tried to be a comforting friend and sister to him but I guess that wasnt enough. And he also felt I betrayed him when another of my friends and brethren had a falling out and because this friend was associated with the organization that he felt that had the right again to attack me and my organization my family. He really wanted to be a part of this and I did tell him I will speak on his behalf and his past transgressions would be over looked if he gain trust back. So now that I have been looking to contact him he slams me with a guilt trip and it basically felt like a slap in the face. But I know I am the better person and simply told him I wish him the best and that I've no ill will towards him. I just feel hurt and feel as if I lost two friends. As she does as he wishes and has no free will of her own. But simply reminded him in the very end that it was Satan's who gave us free will and if he wished to end our friendship that it be his choice. So that was that with him and his girlfriend. So tell me is that fair of him? am I wrong? or did I do the right thing.

Tears of Remembrance

2009-10-16T05:42:00.000-05:00

Tears of Remembrance

A sire no longer...

Countless conquests no more...

Imense strength lost...

No inclination of disease...

Dementia inside thee,

once sane being called father.

Overtaken by frailty,

Mournful of past sins,

desired forgivness...

Deaths interlude...

All is forgiven,

but not forgotten...

Remain in my memories,

always in my heart...

Eternally your daughter,

with tears of remembrance...

Is it shame or Respect?

2009-10-16T05:39:00.001-05:00

Is it shame or Respect?

Every day I see Christians, Catholics and other faiths wear something that signifies their faith correct? Like Crosses, the Virgin Mary so on and so forth.

So let me ask you this? Why is it disrespectful to wear such sigils as the Baphomet, or an inverted cross or a pentagram? I know not everyone is forth coming about there faith. That there are some that hide it from their family, fearing that it will so shocking that they cannot handle it. Or even disowned from there families.

But there are some who have family members that do know but ask you to hide it in front of others like it is some sort of embarrassment. So how does that make me feel? Well it makes me feel like a fraud. And I do consider my self a proud Satanist and I feel and this that no matter the circumstances you should be proud of your faith. Don't treat it like a dirty little secret. I know there are even those who hide their practices from their own children. Why is it that oh they are not ready to know mommy or daddy is a Satanist or a Pagan? I am not saying you should push your spiritual beliefs on your children but you should not lie about it either.

Children are much smarter than people give them credit for. I as a mother of two don't hide it from my children and they aren't Satanists. I have let them choose their own path and for now as I see it they are atheists. And even though my mother is trying to force them to be good little Christian children. They know what is true and what is false. That is one thing I truly hate about society and their views. Good vs. Evil what a load of crap!

So I leave you with this question, when someone comes up to you and asks you why you wear a pentagram or even an inverted cross do you tell who and what you believe in? Or do you avoid the question all together? Or lie? I say you tell them it is a symbol of my faith and what I am is a SATANIST! BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE!

The Right to choose death

2009-10-16T05:38:00.001-05:00

The Right to choose death

I think death should be a choice. Life should not be something forced upon you because it is the natural way of things. Now yes I believe that those who are unhealthy should definitely be given that choice first. But let's say you had a full life and you no longer wish to live and you don't want to grow weak and sick. Don't you think that you have the right to choose then also? When are you considered to old? Or are you a burden to your family? Or perhaps you just think you've had a full life? Well those are some things to consider some of you may think is she thinking of assisted suicide the answer is no. I am quite happy in my life and not ready to leave this existence yet but this topic is something I do have some passion about and I think that the government should have no right to tell us no right when we can or cannot end our lives. And I believe that Suicide or taking ones life is a Christian concept .And is taking your own life going to lead to up to you in Hell or Limbo whatever. But we all know that isn't true that is Christian fantasy I don't believe that just isn't the case here. Now the only circumstances where I don't believe a person should be able to should be able to end their life is if they were mentally incapable of making decisions for themselves but if they were at sometime of sound mind and made a living will giving their family this right I see nothing wrong in that. As for those who are clearly not mature such as children to make choice I think there should be an age restriction in place till the minor is ready to make such a big decision or if the youth is clearly dying and is suffering I believe then the family should then intervene in this choice. But my heart mainly goes out there for those that are suffering and dieing and why do people allow this to happen? Why do people have to sneak around or take their lives in such manners that are beneath them when there are doctors like Jack Kevorkian and Philip Nitschke that have tried to help people and have been treated like criminals and all they wanted to do is help those in need. Please remember these are just my personal views on death and not to be meant to be taken personally. But back to the topic here I believe if you are old and you are sick or even healthy you should have the right to choose when it is right for you to end your life. I don't think of it as selfish choice think of it this way. Say you have children and they are not well of in the future but you are old and sick but you cannot afford to be put in a nursing home is that fair to them? That is just an example. I mean who really wants to be a burden to their family? Also say you are in good health now but do you want to suffer later? I know these are just what if questions but think about it who wants to live to be 100? I know I don't! And the way things are going today people are living longer and longer. And our bodies are but shells here before we move on to the Infernal Kingdom. So I will ask everyone this, what your thoughts and views on this topic? Do you think the U.S. should allow assisted suicide? Because I for one do because I believe in free will and I am sure you do too. Send your thoughts and view I would like to hear them.

If there was any question as to what I believe in.

2009-10-16T05:23:00.000-05:00

1. SATANISM IS NOT A "CHRISTIAN INVENTION".

2.SATANISM PREDATES CHRISTIANITY AND ALL OTHER RELIGIONS.

3. SATANISM IS NOT ABOUT SPOOKS, GOBLINS, VAMPIRES, HALLOWEEN
MONSTERS OR ANY OTHER RELATED ENTITIES.

4. SATANISM IS NOT ABOUT EVIL.

5. SATANISM IS NOT A REACTION TO CHRISTIANITY.

6. SATANISM IS NOT ABOUT DEATH.

7. TRUE SATANISM IS ABOUT ELEVATING AND EMPOWERING HUMANITY, WHICH WAS OUR TRUE CREATOR (SATAN'S) INTENTION.

8. WE KNOW SATAN/LUCIFER AS A REAL BEING.

9. WE KNOW "JEHOVA" OF THE BIBLE TO BE A FICTITIOUS ENTITY, AND THE PEOPLE BEHIND COERCING THIS LIE, TO BE TRUE DECEIVERS OF HUMANITY AND THE MASTERS OF LIES. THIS IS EVIDENT IN THE MANY CONTRADICTIONS WITHIN THE JUDEO/CHRISTIAN BIBLE, REVEALING THIS TEXT TO BE THE WORK OF HUMAN BEINGS WHO HAD OCCULT KNOWLEDGE AND INFUSED IT WITH POWER TO MAKE IT CREDIBLE, AND TO INCITE FEAR IN ORDER TO CONTROL.

10. WE ARE LAW ABIDING.

11. WE DO NOT ADVOCATE OR PARTICIPATE IN ANY BLOOD OR LIVING SACRIFICE. THIS ACT IS JUDEO/CHRISTIAN, AS STATED IN THEIR BIBLE-- DEUTERONOMY 12:27: "AND THOU SHALT OFFER THY BURNT OFFERINGS, THE FLESH AND THE BLOOD, UPON THE ALTAR OF THE LORD THY GOD: AND THE BLOOD OF THY SACRIFICES SHALL BE POURED OUT UPON THE ALTAR OF THE LORD THY GOD, AND THOU SHALT EAT THE FLESH. "

12. WE HAVE FOUND SATANISM IS THE ORIGINAL RELIGION OF HUMANITY. SATANISM IS BASED UPON THE ANCIENT RELIGIONS THAT PREDATED JUDAISM AND CHRISTIANITY FROM HUNDREDS TO THOUSANDS OF YEARS.

13. CHRISTIANITY WAS A REACTION TO THE ORIGINAL PAGAN RELIGIONS, LABELED AS "SATANISM" MEANING "ENEMY/ADVERSARY" IN HEBREW.

14. CHRISTIANITY WAS INVENTED TO REMOVE SPIRITUAL AND OCCULT KNOWLEDGE (THE POWERS OF THE MIND) FROM THE POPULACE AND PLACE THIS POWER IN THE HANDS OF A "CHOSEN" FEW TO THE DETRIMENT OF ALL HUMANITY. THE POWERS OF THE MIND AND SOUL ARE VERY REAL. PEOPLE WHO ARE UNAWARE OF OR WHO DO NOT BELIEVE IN THESE POWERS ARE EASY TO CONTROL AND MANIPULATE BY THOSE WHO ARE SKILLED IN USING THESE ENERGIES.

15. THE ORIGINAL GODS [DEMONS] WERE UNJUSTLY LABELED AS MONSTERS AND BRANDED AS "EVIL" TO KEEP HUMANITY FROM SPIRITUAL KNOWLEDGE. BECAUSE OF THIS, THE HUMAN RACE HAS DRASTICALLY DEGENERATED BOTH SPIRITUALLY AND INTELLECTUALLY.

16. SPIRITUAL SATANISM STRONGLY ADVOCATES ALL LEARNING, KNOWLEDGE, INQUIRY, AND FREE THOUGHT.

17. SPIRITUAL SATANISM SUPPORTS THE SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE. SATANISTS DO NOT PUSH SATANISM OR PROSELYTIZE.

18. SPIRITUAL SATANISTS ACKNOWLEDGE SCIENCE AND BELIEVE EVERYTHING OF THE OCCULT/SUPERNATURAL TO HAVE A RATIONAL SCIENTIFIC EXPLANATION. WE BELIEVE HUMANITY HAS BEEN HELD BACK DANGEROUSLY IN THIS AREA DUE TO THE HOAX OF JUDEO/CHRISTIANITY AND ITS RELENTLESS ATTACKS UPON SCIENCE FOR CENTURIES.

19. WE PRACTICE POWER MEDITATION TO ADVANCE SPIRITUALLY AND TO ELEVATE OURSELVES. POWER MEDITATION IS AS ESSENTIAL FOR THE HUMAN SOUL AS FOOD IS ESSENTIAL FOR THE HUMAN BODY. THE SERPENT, A SYMBOL OF SATAN REPRESENTS THE FIERY KUNDALINI FORCE COILED AT THE BASE OF THE SPINE, WHICH UPON ASCENDING, TRANSFORMS THE HUMAN MIND AND SOUL TO A MUCH HIGHER LEVEL OF UNDERSTANDING AND ABILITY. THIS IS THE TRUE MEANING OF "RAISING THE DEVIL." THE SERPENT SYMBOL OF SATAN ALSO REPRESENTS THE DNA HELIX OF LIFE.

20. WE WORK DIRECTLY WITH SATAN. WE BELIEVE EACH AND EVERY PERSON WHO IS WILLING AND RESPECTFUL CAN HAVE A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH SATAN. THERE ARE NO MEDIATORS IN SPIRITUAL SATANISM; THE MINISTRY IS HERE ONLY FOR GUIDANCE AND SUPPORT.

21. WE TAKE OUR TENETS AND PRACTICES DIRECTLY FROM SATAN HIMSELF. FOR FAR TOO LONG, ENEMIES OF SATAN SUCH AS THE CHRISTIAN CHURCHES HAVE BEEN AT LIBERTY TO DICTATE LIES CONCERNING SATAN AND SATANISM. THESE LIES HAVE BEEN THE FOUNDATION OF OCCULT CRIMES AND OTHER HEINOUS ACTS THAT THEY INDIRECTLY PROMOTE. TRUE SATANISM HAS BEEN ACTIVELY AND ZEALOUSLY SUPPRESSED FOR CENTURIES AND MANY, OUT OF IGNORANCE, BELIEVE LIES ABOUT SATAN AND REACT ACCORDINGLY.

22. SPIRITUAL SATANISM IS A LIFE-LOVING RELIGION. SATAN ACCEPTS US AS WE ARE, BUT GUIDES US TO ADVANCE OURSELVES TO WHERE WE EVOLVE TO A HIGHER LEVEL. SPIRITUAL SATANISTS ARE FREE TO LIVE THEIR LIVES AS THEY CHOOSE-RESPONSIBILITY TY TO THE RESPONSIBLE. WE LIVE BY NATURAL LAW AND ENCOURAGE EVERYONE TO DEVELOP THEMSELVES TO THEIR FULLEST EXTENT.

23. WE KNOW WE "SAVE" OUR OWN SOULS AS OPPOSED TO CLAIMS OF THE NAZARENE SAVING ANYONE. SATANISM IS BASED UPON THE TRUE TRANSFORMATION OF THE SOUL THROUGH POWER MEDITATION. THE NAZARENE IS A FICTITIOUS ENTITY, WHOSE IDENTITY WAS STOLEN FROM SOME 18+ CRUCIFIED PAGAN GODS, SUCH AS ODIN, WHO HUNG FROM A TREE, AND IS NOTHING MORE THAN A TOOL TO KEEP HUMANITY UNDER THE CONTROL OF A CHOSEN FEW. THE NAZARENE HAS BEEN USED IN CHRISTIAN MASSES AND SERVICES AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR A HUMAN LIVING BLOOD SACRIFICE, REVEALING THEIR TRUE PURPOSES.

24. THE JUDEO/CHRISTIAN RELIGION IS A VICIOUS HOAX ON HUMANITY OF CATASTROPHIC PROPORTIONS. FOR A HOAX TO SUCCEED THERE HAS TO BE A LACK OF KNOWLEDGE ON THE PART OF THE VICTIM. THE CHRISTIAN RELIGION AND ITS COHORTS ACTIVELY SUPPRESS KNOWLEDGE AND FREE THOUGHT, ENCOURAGE PEOPLE TO BE SLAVES, AND NEVER ADVOCATE OR TEACH ANYTHING FOR THE BETTERMENT OR ADVANCEMENT OF HUMANITY. AS OPPOSED TO THE STORIES OF HOW THE NAZARENE HEALED PEOPLE; SATAN SHOWS US HOW WE CAN HEAL OURSELVES AND PERFORM SO-CALLED MIRACLES, USING OUR MINDS AND THE POWERS OF OUR OWN SOULS.
25. THROUGH EMPOWERING OURSELVES, WE HAVE CONFIDENCE, SELF-RESPECT, AND ACHIEVE SPIRITUAL ADVANCEMENT AND INDEPENDENCE.

26. SPIRITUAL SATANISM PLACES NO LIMITS ON DEVELOPING THE POWERS OF THE MIND--KNOWN AS "WITCHCRAFT" OR "MAGICK" SHOULD THEY EVER NEED THEM. PEOPLE WHO ARE UNAWARE OF THESE POWERS ARE DEFENSELESS AGAINST THEM, AND THE POWERS THAT BE KNOW THIS ALL TOO WELL.

27. SPIRITUAL SATANISM DOES NOT IN ANY WAY CONDONE SPIRIT ABUSE AS TAUGHT IN THE CLASSICAL GRIMOIRES. THE DEMONS WHO WERE BOUND AND COMPELLED TO DO THE BIDDING OF THE SORCERERS ARE NOW FREE AND ANYONE USING THE NINE-FOOT CIRCLE METHODS AND "JEHOVA" NAMES IS INVITING PERSONAL DISASTER. THE DEMONS ARE OUR FRIENDS AND WITH RESPECT AND REVERENCE IN SUMMONING THROUGH SATAN, WE SEEK TO ESTABLISH MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL RELATIONSHIPS WITH THEM.

28. SPIRITUAL SATANISM ADVOCATES INDIVIDUALITY, LIBERTY, AND INDEPENDENCE. 29. IT IS OBVIOUS THAT SATAN IS NOT THE "DECEIVER OF HUMANITY." HIS FOLLOWERS HAVE BEEN FEW IN NUMBER AND HE DOESN'T NEED COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF WEALTH, POWER AND CONTROL TO KEEP HIS FOLLOWERS.

Loves Forgotten Doll

2009-10-16T05:17:00.001-05:00

You found a doll that was once alone and forgotten

Wiping the cobwebs from her eyes. Your heart sings

with treasure you've found. Stains of where tears

appeared grey and withered. Her eyes filled with

memories of great many things, some of happiness

some of the joy that was brought to her. You look

deeper in the eyes and see so much more. Anger and

sadness in so deeply engrained. Her eyes become

sunk in and hollow and dress torn. She falls to the

ground hair upon her face. Sadness fills the air as you

see the lines and cracks tracked expression across her

face. The screams of pain and disdain in your mind.

You see the silhouettes' of past and present. The bells

begin ringing in your mind like so many times before,

coming forth from depths your own mind. "Was this a

dream or reality?" You eyes have deceived you some

many times before. Never really sure of what is real

or fantasy. The pain of love seemed so real. To be

wanted again. Desiring to be beautiful everlasting.

Will I be loved for eternity or will I be forgotten? The

darkness of my fate forgotten again beneath the webs

of time. Waiting to be held again by loves sweet

embrace once more.

Countess of Death

2009-10-16T05:12:00.000-05:00

Alone I walk upon the path of life and death.

Sensations of sadness and emptiness fill my mind.

Distant memories of happiness haunt my mind.

Was it all real or just illusion?

So many souls fill the air around me.

So many lost souls never to find their way to the endless abyss.

Never to know peace, never to know joy.

Pain has shown its self to me many times with the tears that flow down my cheek.

The blood upon my hands in hopes of ending the endless waves of sorrow.

The pain of love terrifies me, the agony of life continues day after day.

Thorns prick my finger wakes me from numbness I have felt for so long…

Will happiness find me?

Can the words of my lover fulfill the void with in my heart?

Will this nightmare ever end?

This disappointment of life and death will never cease.

I see the shards of glass all around me, some of momentary happiness.

Some of times past.

Some of what is to come.

Ever vigilant I must press on and serve the master of the Earth.

And help those who want to be helped.

I know with pain there is pleasure.

For I will master them both.

I will not become a slave to pain!

I will master the pain I will give the pain to those who wish me harm.

A time comes for life love and happiness when all is done I will come for death in the end.

I am the countess of death!

I am Mortisma…

I make no apologies for who I am.

2009-10-16T05:10:00.000-05:00

I make no apologies for who I am.

I make no apologies for who I am. No one is above me and so below because I
refuse to take judgments made against me I mean nothing in the eyes of
others. If that is to be so be it. I don’t care what people expect of me nor do
I care.

You wish me to be friends and I have been. You desire my care and I had was it such frivolous
things that made me less of a person is it because you grew tired of me? I care
not of such petty things. I must remain true to my self and to whom that are
really there for me and not those who wish me there out of petty gains.

I apparently wear my heart on sleeve for that I was not
aware. I am truly devoted to are Satan
and my Dark Mother and my beloved. My loyalties are to my brethren and you know
who you are. I have few true friends and you know that I am there.

The flame with my heart will not grow weakened by those who
wish me ill will. The ignorance in that
does give me a chuckle I will say. I
have learned long ago to walk away from such foolishness.

Trust is not given but earned and I believe that is sound
advice, Rumors are for children and liars. They may spread but so does
disease. I admit what my faults are but
that is for me to do and not by foolish people who see themselves higher than
ones self.

The foulest thing in the world are liars and fakes and it
they whom I desire no happiness for. Those who I value you as friend are those
who do not speak ill of me and nor have I.
To me this is true and for those deceitful people may you learn that
being fake with those around you will only bring you pain.

Now I hope that my honesty has not offended anyone but I
really don’t care nor will I ever. Now I hope that was too dramatic as
apparently that is what I am viewed as. Am
supposed to be without emotions or care? Now if I could be without emotion nothing
would make me happier.

Intolerance in one's own family

2009-10-16T02:24:00.000-05:00

I for years never felt accepted within my own family. A felt as if I were cast out like a Black Sheep if you will. Looked at as a freak or embarrassment. And for most of my life I accepted this. I grew up had children and even married. But it was still some who gave me strange stares and just ignored my presence. But then I moved and remarried and came out with my beliefs as a Satanist. And some of my family still would accept me on their Myspace profile or Facebook. But there was one relative that just got under my skin acting as if I didn't exist. So I had to know really had to know if it was what I thought it was. And it in fact was true she had a problem with my beliefs. So out of anger and sadness. I was compelled to set her straight. That I don't kill animals or offer up babies to Satan. I in fact love children and have two of my own. And love animals as well and own a cat that I love as one of my own children. I also said I do not push my beliefs on any one. I told her had I been for example a Buddhist or any other religion that I am sure that she would have no problem with me. But what she said in her previous message was that she didn't want anything Satanic on her profile. "meaning me". So in my most recent message to her was this on Facebook one must be your friend to see my profile and everyone on her profile was my family that had already accepted me. So it made no difference but now looking back on it now. I believe she may think I would influence her daughter to become a Satanist. But unlike Christians we do not force our children to follow our path. It must be of their own choosing. My own children are not Satanists but Agnostics. But if ever one of them ever became a Christian or of any other religion I would still love them. That is why I don't think love is unconditional within some families.